SIDE NOTE: Is there ever such a thing as a life in complete balance? I have no answer to this by the way! But it’s an interesting thought. Because like everything, life is in flux and therefore a balanced point in life may feel so fleeting or vulnerable that we can’t quite settle in it, before the scales tip again more into one area and neglecting another. Perhaps a more helpful word and goal then, is not “balance” but in fact living a life in “flow'?
How would you describe a life in balance?
Eating effortlessly and intuitively well? sleeping well and feeling rested? you find your energy levels ebb and flow but you don’t crash? have time to read a little each day? There is time allocated and honoured to move, meditate, breathe, reflect, rest daily?
Is it to feel we have good amount of time with our family, friends and for our work, without feeling conflicted?
Are we able to have fun? Have headspace and energy for laughter. It’s a big red flag for me when I find myself wondering when was my last belly laugh.
For each of us, a life in balance will look different… because our values, our needs and our goals are different. Our personalities and strengths will thrive and be challenged by different situations as they arise. What I find relaxing may not be another person’s perfect reset.
It’s for this reason, in many ways a balanced life is subjective…but not entirely so.
If an area of our life becomes neglected or in the other extreme becomes such a drinker of our energy that life around it becomes rigid. When our relationships with others and ourselves become a dance of power, boundaries or emotional hardening. When we find ourselves being driven by narratives that are unkind or harmful to ourselves or others. E.g. “I need to get thin so that I will be happy and others will think better of me, right now I am not attractive”
We all have many slices to our life pie - so many areas of our life require attention and in these many directions we can find ourselves spreading across, these pulls will ebb and flow like anything in life…friends/family, romance/adventure, work/career, play, exercise/health, spirituality.
We will probably never have a perfectly cut pie, so in seeing one area looking a little skinny, that is ok, something has to give. But asking yourself, what are the repercussions of this slice having little attention having on my current experience of life?
So when we can, as objectively as possible, look at our energy pie we can usually and very clearly see what is on the back burner. So often, in that instant, we can see where a little more balance could be restored.
There is also the important enquiry of satisfaction. Am I feeling satisfied with this area of my life? Because yes we may be pouring time and effort into an area of our life, but it is not feeling satisfying.
As an example, that first year of a business, where the novelty has begun to wane that you are your own boss and it is now our norm, but we are still struggling to pay our bills each month and the day to day running of the business is taking you away from the part of your work you truly love…but, its all you can think about and it seems its all you can commit your efforts and time to.
In this instance, the question is…am I committing myself enough to cultivating and maintaining the mindset that this will work? Beyond the now of being a one-man band, have I clearly set a goal to hire someone when I get to XYZ income? So I can keep moving forward and knowing this is a means to an end, do I need some support/advice/mentoring/coaching/therapy to keep me moving forward and healthy in other areas of my life? Revisit your goals 6 month/1 year/3 year…do you have a plan? Are you sticking to it? Are you taking action every day?
Get to know your core values and needs…does this area of my life currently marry up with what I stand for and hold as important. If no, why not? And what goals might need to get reviewed/reprioritised or completely rewritten so we realign this slice of pie back with what we stand for.
So balance is also about our mindset…what narrative do we need to surround ourself with every day to ensure we keep on this path? And know that we can do this if we can lift our own energy and sense of self to that which we are trying to reach. Notice where we are feeling resistance, fearful, anxious, out of our comfort zone in and the narratives that are swirling around backstage heckling us and in turn keeping us playing small in an area of our life we want to shine brightly in. We aren’t clever enough, thin enough, rich enough, confident enough, XY enter your word here XY enough….here’s the thing though… we are enough, more than enough. So what is your affirmation to counter that voice that is trying to keep us so safe it’d be most happy if we stayed in a box, bored and never evolving or growing EVER
Balance is also about our resource… do we feel resourced right now? If you woke up today and one thing didn’t go to plan, let’s say your child gets ill and has to stay at home from school, you’ve got to stay home, reschedule some meetings and have to put everything on the backburner - how would you react or respond? Would it send you into a panic? Would you worry until you felt sick that you are letting people down? Could you be present with your little one and find some positive in that special cuddly, call infused time together? Could you find a solution to make up the time when your little one is better?
Living in low levels of stress for an extended period of time, perhaps a busy period at work or moving house, will accumulatively lower our resilience for when we do meet the unexpected blip. When we are stretched and becoming exhausted our base line of internal resource and resilience lowers quickly.
Living a life in balance then not only means taking note and adjusting life as needed when we find ourselves out of whack, but it means caring for ourselves consistently and as a matter of priority even when things are sailing along gracefully. Like “saving money for a rainy day”, can we strengthen our foundations as a matter of daily care. So we have the resource and foundations to know when to take a breath and see things, life and the spread of our pie with some objective clarity.
SO FIRSTLY…take a moment, some deeper breaths, move your body, stretch/shake/dance it out,…no personal enquiry will go far if we are under stress:
(a) Because the part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, that enables us to see clearly, gain perspective, fully comprehend the consequence get inhibited when we are even in low levels of stress
(b) this inhibition gives reign for our negative, fearful internal narrative to take centre stage. “I sense a threat, you are under threat, let me protect you by fuelling the belief that all is certainly not well, you are right to be wary, let’s keep you safe babes, best to keep playing and dreaming small yeah?”
Look at your life pie…what is getting prioritised and neglected? where do you feel unfulfilled and satisfied? Do I need some support or advice? What one small action could I take everyday to bring some attention to an area of my life i’m missing? Draw it out with a slice for friends/family, romance/adventure, work/career, play, exercise/health, spirituality
What do you stand for? Get clear on your values and needs. Does this current lifestyle line up with this? This exercise is helpful at any time in your life. whenever an area of your life feels forced, resistant or sticky, having an awareness of your own personal pillars is priceless.
What’s the chatter saying? Where are you in your life pie, if anywhere, feeling fearful/resistant/anxious/disempowered? Journalling can be an incredible tool to gain some insight into what the chatter is behind the scenes. Bringing in a daily evening free writing ‘brain dump’ journalling practice can be what is needed to see clearly on paper how we are talking to ourselves. Is it kind, confident, motivating words? We can keep on trying and wanting to reach our goals, but if the mind chatter behind the scenes is secretly telling you are simply not good or deserving enough to reach them, and you dont realise this devil is on your shoulder, then you will continue to be at odds and wading through mud wondering why oh bloody why! We can’t always silence the chatter. It’s subconscious, with most of it being formed before the age of 6…its not going to relearn overnight.Any change, even super positive change we wish to bring about, will be seen as a threat or danger to this part of ourselves and in turn will do and say ANYTHING to keep us safe from this.
Learn what these out of date, limiting beliefs and chatter is saying to you and form affirmations that directly counter them. How do I want to feel from head to toe, breath in body, the words I use, the way I hold myself, the clothes I where? To be this true version of myself, what does my internal narrative need to be saying instead. Then write them down everywhere, all the time, surround yourself by them, tap on pressure points on the body whilst repeating them…make this a priority everyday. Remember these current limiting narratives have been having free reign since you were a child, they will take some time to soften their grip on you…but there’s no time like the present eh!