I’m here to offer some support for that moment many of us dread.
You had done the inner work. You practised and prepared, you started prioritising and voicing your needs, and even though it felt clunky and scary, the desire to move forward in a new way was more powerful.
Most people totally got it and they were delighted to see this part of you coming to life! Some were even inspired to go and do the same.
For others, it didn’t even cause a ripple, no drama!
But then, it happened. That person was uncomfortable with it. In fact, they were pretty pissed off about it, and they weren’t shy in letting you know either. Uuurgh!
So the body contracts… “I overstepped?”
The breath gets shallow… “I asked for too much, who do I think I am. I am so selfish?!”
The body curls into itself… “I’ve gone too far, how could I think this was okay?”
Well friend, if this feels all too familiar, before you leap into fixing, backtracking and making THEM feel comfortable again...
Here are 3 powerful embodiment practices to ride this wave and support you through:
1) Support Your Nervous System: Regulation when we're creating any new behaviours is vital if we want them to stick. So, to tend to the emotions present, slowly squeeze down through your arms and notice the sensations it feeds back. Offer any emotions that arise some deeper breaths and longer exhales. Make some noise with sighs, ahhh’s, or shhhh’s.
As you do, say out loud or to yourself, “Here I am, I am safe, this fear/shame/<insert your emotion here> feels big, but it’s not bigger than me, their discomfort with my boundaries is theirs to hold, not mine.”
2) Write It Out: Take pen to paper and free-write why these changes are vital for you and your loved ones. Remember, a healthy, authentic boundary enables space for you to love them and love you too.
Clarity and honesty are the greatest displays of love and respect (even when some people don't like it).
Next, write the impact of leaving this whole "prioritising your needs" inner work behind and staying in the old loops.
Notice any sensations and emotions in your body as you explore both of these themes and offerany supportive touch, breath, validation you sense is needed. To close, shake out the whole body, or get on your favourite tune and dance big and wild, to move any activation through you.
3) Reconnect With Your Inner Child: Place a hand on your heart and sense it beating. Find a longer exhale with sighs or making a shhhhh sound. Tune into the little girl in you who learned that it wasn’t safe, lovable, or acceptable to take up space in this way.
Do you feel her residing somewhere in your body? What touch and reassurance does she need? How can you show her that you are taking care of both of you with the commitment of a tigress mama?
Visualise taking her hand and walking her through a day when you have created a life that feels like home. Tell her, “I know change is scary, I feel it too, but this is why we’re doing this and I’m doing it for you too.”
💖 The fear of change, judgment, rejection, and shame is a primal and real experience in your body, so be kind to yourself.
AND REMEMBER: you are not here to make other people comfortable, you’re here to live your life with integrity, joy and confidence.
Because the roots of people-pleasing behaviours and beliefs are connected to trauma, chronic stress and past wounding held within the nervous system and body, the road to embodied change must take a gentle pace.
But with every moment you turn towards yourself in the discomfort and tend to your needs when you used to turn away or repress.
Every moment you choose YOU out of love and respect…
The embodied change that you’re hungry for is happening.