You’re not stuck.
You are contracting around the YOU that’s changing.
You’re not stuck.
Your nervous system is on high alert, contracting and putting on both the breaks and the accelerator. Why? Because it can feel that things are changing, and it acknowledges any sign of newness as risky. It doesn’t have a stored response yet for the new, expanded way you are thinking, feeling and desiring to experience your life. You are evolving and it doesn’t like it…yet.
You’re not stuck.
This is impossible. There isn’t a stuck or stagnant cell or system in your vibrant, alive body.
You’re not stuck, quite the opposite, you are actually in an important liminal space of transition, potential and change. IF, you allow it to be.
You’re not stuck.
You’re being faced with the invitation to grow and this is deeply uncomfortable.
It won’t last.
I promise.
And you get to shape how long this process lasts by how consciously you engage in it.
You can fight it. You can ignore it. You can get so angry with life and those around you who are bumping into your still-forming new shape.
But the more you do, the longer this process of metamorphosis will take.
This contraction activates your nervous system, so things might feel “too much” and you feel “too little”.
Your mind might feel swamped, rigid, and unclear. Your mind might try and make this fertile space, mean something about you and your worth or your ability.
It might narrow your perception to a “one-way or the highway” way of seeing your path ahead. When in reality, there is a spectrum of choice and opportunity ahead of you.
But there is no denying…what IS in your right now, is no longer good enough for you. It no longer serves you and it’s no longer gonna cut the mustard.
There is a beautiful shedding of identity taking place. What you thought rigidly defined you and what you thought you were worthy for is stretching.
You are served with an opportunity here to rewrite that yourself, and throughout your life you get to do this over and over again.
This liminal space is where I meet the majority of my clients — feeling lost, disconnected, uprooted, unclear, exhausted…
They’re living their days overanalyzing and watching seemingly powerless over their own shoulder, as they see themselves living out the same patterns that keep them distanced from themselves, their needs and their desires.
My role is neither to wrap them in cotton wool nor tell them what to do — “Just leave that partner. Just quit that job. Just find new friends. Oh and write some positive affirmations that feel like lies, every day please.”
No.
My role is to hold a compassionate and curious space.
My role is to support them in seeing themselves and their situation in a new light.
As a practitioner, resourcing and regulation for them and me is key. I can then be a steadiness in the storm until they can be their own.
I facilitate states and practices that bolster them with courage, resilience, steadiness and the belief time and time again, that THEY are a gift. That this life and this opportunity to grow IS A GIFT!
My role is to help them open up a dialogue with body, heart and mind, that is honest, kind and human.
My role is to walk through the fire with them.
The big changes might be needed, but these are often not the silver bullet here.
You might leave the job, only to find that you are in another one months later, burnt out, giving everything and a limb to prove yourself again.
So navigating this time in your life so that you are freer, more alive, more connected and more YOU on the other side requires a gentle, masterful pace.
It’s the subtle laying of a boundary.
It’s in the expression of what has been repressed. It’s in the respectful meeting of yourself instead of shaming yourself for having a very human, honest experience.
This requires care, awareness, deep resourcing, and regulation to be in that vast space of uncertainty.
But also, so that they can gently expand their capacity to be even open to the possibility of the new. To receive it and most importantly, keep hold of it.
You’ve got to embody safety to receive this evolved way you are going to move through the world. So instead of bursting through comfort zones, we gradually stretch, challenge, and expand them. Embodied step, by embodied step.
We’ve all heard of the people who win the lottery, only to spend it all and be in more debt than before. Their nervous system didn’t feel safe to hold that money and allow it to be an opportunity for them to thrive.
This is NO DIFFERENT. It may not feel like you’re about to win the lottery right now, but there is so much raw beauty ahead.
So if this is feeling all too familiar, here are a few things to consider:
Begin noticing where you’re shaming or judging yourself and others. These aspects are the shadow parts of ourselves we’re not ready to embrace and accept, so can act as breadcrumbs to where we need to lean in.
Find the thing, place or practice that brings you a sense of peace. Even if it’s for a flicker of a moment. You are housing a nervous system that is currently working on overtime to keep you safe from the “risky unknown”. It needs care. YOU need care in order to move through this important time. Regulation and connection will enable you to access the part of your brain (the prefrontal cortex) that is inhibited in times of stress. It is the part that supports a sense of connection, creative thinking and future planning through a lens of safety and capability, not threat, rigid perception and disconnection.
I’d hedge a bet that this next chapter of your life includes you thriving not just surviving. So take regular moments to curiously and non judgementally check in with your body, your emotions and your thoughts. Write them down. Voice note them. Bring that information to the surface. Then tend to those needs you notice, whether it’s getting a glass of water, taking a break from your laptop, calling your mum or rescheduling the drinks because you’re tired. This regular honoring of your needs not only is nectar to your body, but over time rewrites our attitude towards us having needs and us being worthy of having them met.
When everything feels conflicting, in flux and yet you’re stuck. Connect to the constancy and flow of nature, your breath, the seasons. Dynamic, powerful, always changing and yet constant. You are the same. You might be in the depths of winter right now, but spring is already waking up under the soil.
Understanding how we relate to ourselves, others and the world is important. So play with a balance of surrounding yourself with those that can unconditionally support you, whilst leaving space to rest and reflect too.
We can fill this liminal time with more distraction and busyness so we don’t feel “the uncomfortable”. But the uncomfortable is necessary. The uncomfortable is often the catalyst to the change we’re hungry for (even if we don’t know what that looks like yet!) Transformation happens with space around it. So give yourself the space, grace and kindness you need. It’s here that you can take a new shape.
If you are feeling called to shape a brand new chapter of your life (and navigate the waves as you get there), here are two ways I can support you right now…
Meet the writer: Hannah is a trauma-informed Somatic Healing Therapist, Holistic Transformation Coach & EFT Practitioner. She is also a Mental Health Practitioner, Yoga Therapist, Complementary Therapist, Heart Breath Guide, Energy Healer, Embodiment Facilitator, educator and speaker. But put simply, she is really passionate about people.
Hannah intuitively weaves together a decade of experience and powerful practices to hold a soulful coaching and healing space. Her unique method empowers, resources, reprogrammes, heals and inspires wholehearted curiosity at every step.
Hannah specialises in working with women who want to break the cycles of stress, anxiety, shame, disconnection, low self-confidence, comparison, people pleasing, burn out and reclaim a deep and loving relationship to themselves.
Hannah meets each person where they are, honours the pace of their nervous system, and empowers them with the means to live a life that feels resourced, creative, powerful and honest. Find out more right here: www.hannahrzysko.com